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One afternoon, an engineering student was
riding across campus on a shiny new bike. He ran into a friend of his, also an engineering major, who said, "Wow! That sure
is a great bike. Where did you get it?"
"Well, the darndest thing happened,"
said the first engineering student. "A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said
that I could have anything that I wanted."
"Wow," remarked his friend. "That's great.
Good move. Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
A guy was crossing a road one day, when
a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog
and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The guy took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss
me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the guy took the frog out, smiled
at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
matter? I have told you that I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?" The guy said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend. But, a talking frog is cool."
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician
have a contract to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.
The engineer forms the flock into a
circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an
infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematician thinks for a
while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
An engineer was enjoying his very first vacation
ever, relaxing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand
and foot. But a hurricane came, and the ship went down instantly. The man found himself swept up onto the shore of an island.
There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing.
The man looked around. There were some
bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it. So for the next
four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea hoping for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as he was lying on the beach stroking
his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No. From
around the corner of the island came a rowboat.
But in it was the most gorgeous woman
he had ever seen, or at least seen in four months. She was tall, tanned, and her blond hair flowing in the sea breeze gave
her an almost ethereal quality. She spotted him waving and yelling and screaming to get her attention and rowed her boat towards
him.
In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you
come from? How did you get here?" She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed on this island when my cruise
ship sank." "Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? Where, did you get the
rowboat? Wow, you were really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you!"
"It is only me." she said, "And the
rowboat didn't wash up, nothing else did." "Well then," asked the man, "how did you get the rowboat?" "I made the rowboat
out of raw material that I found on the island", replied the woman. "The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove
the bottom from Palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But," asked the man, "what about tools
and hardware, how did you do that?" "Oh, no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island there is a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it in my kiln it would melt into forgeable ductile iron.
I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?" The engineer
was forced to confess that he had been sleeping on the beach. "Well, let's row over to my place," she said. So they both got
into the rowboat and left for her side of the island.
The woman rowed them around to a wharf
that led to the approach to her place. She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone
walk and around a palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. "It's not much," she said, "but
I call it home.
After a while exchanging stories, the
woman asked, "Have you always had a beard?" "No, I was clean shaven all of my life, even on the cruise ship," he replied.
"Well if you would like to shave, there is a men's razor upstairs in the bathroom." The man, no longer questioning anything,
went upstairs to the bathroom. There in the cabinet, was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed to a hollow ground
edge were fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. The man shaved, showered and went back down stairs. "You look
great," said the woman, "I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable."
After a short time, the woman returned wearing
fig leaves strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia. "Tell me," she asked, "we have both been out here for
a very long time with no companionship. Have you been lonely, is there anything that you really miss? Something that all men
need, and women, too. Something that it would be really nice to have right now."
"Yes there is, " the man replied,
as he moved closer to the woman and fixed a winsome gaze upon her. "Tell me, do you have an Internet connection?"
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break. The first surgeon
said, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second surgeon said, "Nah, librarians are the best.
Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The third surgeon responded, "Try electricians, man! Everything
inside them is color coded."
Then the fourth doctor interceded, "I prefer lawyers. They're
heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."
To which the fifth surgeon, who had been quietly listening
to the conversation, replied, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."
Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure
out who might have designed the human body.
The first fellow said, "I think it might be a Mechanical
Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."
The second fellow said, "I think it might be an Electrical
Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."
The third fellow said, "I think it might be a Chemical Engineer,
because of hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."
The fourth fellow snaps his fingers and shouts out, "I know,
it HAD to have been a Civil engineer!" The other three ask "Why?"
"Well," replied the fourth fellow, "who else would put a
waste water drainage right through a recreational area?"
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