Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone,"
they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything."
"Well we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell
just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks - one for $25,000.00 and another
for $50,000.00.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman. I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample.
Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
Morris was gone about six hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks
in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces
two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Smith's."
"That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a State Teacher's Convention,
so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
3
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her
nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect
his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car
in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed..
The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and
glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit
in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now.
You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits
down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
