I became depressed on the Thursday after watching "The End of the Affair". After that, I went for a walk in the night and ended at a playground to watch the stars. In my dazed state, I unknowingly walked non-stop for 2 hours. At the playground, I laid down on a see saw and just stared at the unmoving stars. I took a sip of what little was left in my vodka bottle and kept looking. I hoped that the stars might reveal what was the cause for my depression. But they stood ground, as they were before time. There wasn't even a shooting star that offered me a chance to wish the depression away. So I laid there transfixed and I thought of nothing. I suddenly felt alone, small and abandoned, like a homeless puppy in a world of predators. Luckily, there was silence, for if there was any sound of laughter, I might have attempted suicide.

On Friday, I awoke to a fresh morning. In the afternoon, I made my specialty cake - tiramisu. It has been a while since I pampered myself and tomorrow, there will be even a greater cause for spoiling myself.

During the night, I had the most intriguing dream - one that I could never understand. There was a portrait. A boy was running along a road in the evening, chasing a bus. He was carrying a bright red rectangular bag, the color and brightness of the sunrise. He had wavy golden hair of shoulder length. From his back, shone a bright light one that I presumed was from a car behind him. And there I stood, gazing at his back view as if he had a message to tell me. That was the only part that I could recall and it is the only part that got me thinking.

It is funny how the most unlikely people would do things least expected of them. Among the many who wished me "Happy Birthday", some I would have to admit, were totally unexpected. It is because of their thoughtfulness that added an extra flavor to an already special day.

However, despite all the attention, my depression relapsed and pounced onto me like a lioness on its prey. It came swiftly and I became no different from Thursday. Tonight, I feel like taking another walk to the playground and watch the stars again. I had thought that my depression might go away but in fact; it has always been there. Hopefully, I can catch a shooting star tonight and wish it away.